These recent days have been such a challenge for me. The feeling of coming home after one year long staying in United States is an unexpected one. It is….strange. I already got used to with all the customs in United States, their daily talks, high school experience, family life, and their parties—beside all trivial differences such as the changing weather, the less-spicy-foods, the quick Internet connection, the currency, the metrics, and even the smell of the air. I felt like I was part of the system already. I had been living dynamically with all those life problems and I always had good friends to support me in States and now…I have to face this: suddenly being in Indonesia with my natural family and old friends, who somehow anticipate seeing my change after long time no see. Some of them may have high expectations, and the rest may have concerns. And all those curiosities are to be released at the first time they see me home; and everybody may choose to feel happy or disappointed when they see the change on me.

I remembered the first day I arrived in Indonesia which was only last week. My mom was not smiling cheerfully when she saw me, but instead, she complained about my make-up. She said it was too much. My sister, also asking me why I was wearing high heels unlike ever before. Another sister asked me too, why I wore my headscarf on so differently in style. The next few days when I visited my school, my friends said to me I looked so different. Fatter, darker, and this and that… and they complained about the outfits I was wearing too. They said it’s too American. When I called my grandparents, they asked me if I still wear my scarf on or not after being back from America. My neighbors also reacted the same way. And my father, he thought that I turned too liberal, which is not in favor with him (glad he doesn’t think that way anymore).

Sometimes this fact makes me feel funny; it is amazing how different Americans and Indonesians are. Indonesians in common, to me, have a more connected feeling between one and another. That’s why I was ready to tolerate if people who know me in Indonesia would react so much upon my visible change. Some of them may cry, either happily or sadly. Some of them may remain friends with me, or not. It is such a big deal for them to accept my possible changes. On the other hand, Americans take less care of this kind of thing. For example, if someone changes their hairstyle or their outfits everyday, people will just give frank compliments or comments and that’s it—it is considerably easier for Americans to accept a change or difference compared to Indonesians. No wonder, it is because Americans are living in a more diverse community than Indonesians’, which in a good way triggers them to get used to with tolerating differences, while Indonesians are much less still living in a world of conformity, compared to a super plural country like United States.

However, I kind of understand why many people had concerns on me when I got home. I mean, at the first place, it is reasonable for them to worry about me when I was away in States. Could you imagine a 17 years old Indonesian, Muslim girl, being placed in a city of Cleveland in the middle of, say, a number of 100.000 Americans? People must think that I would be surrounded by so many influences, either good or bad, they don’t know. Besides, the whole world knew already what kind of name America has. It is normal for my family and friends in Indonesia to worry about all the propagandas I would face. Another thing is that United States has a Western culture like the European countries in which is different in any way than Eastern culture Indonesia has been holding. And it obviously is not a hope for them to see me significantly westernized when I get home. Moreover, United States is way more secular compared to Indonesia. People here might worry if I would lose my faith in God and what not. Basically, there are just a lot of reasons why people might have concerns on having me staying in USA for a year.

Now that I’ve heard many people said I changed a lot in many ways—either good or bad—I still think that I am still myself one year ago, except not 100% the same. I am now more able to accept differences and I am fond of having friends who are different than me. I felt sorry for people who just see me from the outside and then judge me or think that I’m changed by the Americans. Well, maybe I am. And it’s not because I’m easily influenced, but it is because I learned a lot of good things from Americans. And I really appreciate my old friends here who don’t mind to accept me as the way I am, no matter how different I look or how different the way I think right now. I appreciate my friends who give me a chance to show them what beneficial things I brought home with me, instead of blindly judging at the first place. Overall, I love to be myself as what I am right now and I wish to share what I got from USA with my people here.